What a Blogging Hiatus, a Dating Detox, and a Trip to Europe Taught Me

It's good to be back.

You’ve probably noticed that this blog’s been quiet for a while. Like gathering-dust-on-the-Internet quiet. When I started Tulsa: It’s OK! I was writing blog posts just to meet a schedule I’d set for myself: biweekly, rain or shine, just to see if I could do it for a year. And I almost did. But writing content just to keep up with a content calendar drained the joy from it. Writing the blog started to feel like a chore instead of something I loved. So, I stepped away.

Now I’ve found my way back to a regular writing practice that sustains me (and itself) whether or not I publish what I write. I’m no longer bound to a rigid schedule or the self-imposed pressure that came with it. I got here by writing every morning, but also by joining writing groups like The Whitty Writers Group where I participated in for almost a year, Saturday Scribe which I join a couple times a month, and now through a monthly black writers workshop I’ve started (ask me about it if you’re interested). I’m excited to return to Tulsa: It’s OK! with a new energy. Yes, I’m still going to share resources (fine, we can call them “listicles”), but I also want to make more of a commitment to writing when there’s something real to say, like with my Making Friends in Tulsa piece from 2023.

But on the hiatus: taking a break was critical. Not just helpful or healthy, but necessary. I needed to stop chasing a content calendar and listen inward again. What followed was a “return to self,” which, as it turns out, is what I needed to reconnect with writing, not just as a discipline, but as something fun, personal, and deeply fulfilling. Without the pressure to post, I let myself write just for the joy of it, which took me abroad for the first time since 2019.

I spent a good chunk of my twenties solo-backpacking around Southeast Asia and the U.S. before working for a now defunct (R.I.P.) travel startup that had me traveling around the world full-time. I hopped from place to place with a suitcase for years, so traveling internationally again felt like coming home.

I spent four weeks in Europe. I spent two of those writing poetry in Paris with a former professor who had just relaunched her Paris Program. Being back in a city so full of life, movement, and people living their lives so publicly was invigorating. The other two I split between Athens, Agistri, and a short London stop to catch up with friends I met while backpacking in Thailand and Laos back in 2017. While I was in London, I also saw the play People, Places & Things, which floored me. The lead actress, Denise Gough, (who people might know best from the show Andor) speaks about creativity with such clarity and power in her interviews, I was struck with the reminder that taking my creative life seriously isn’t indulgent, but essential. This trip allowed me to “refill the creative well” as Julia Cameron says all writers and artists need to do in The Artist’s Way as part of the creative process.

Before I left, I fully intended to write and schedule blog posts before I left to travel. I got started on a few drafts, but by the time I was writing poetry in Paris…well, I was far from thinking about anything else. I was far more concerned with finding the best places to people-watch and write for a couple hours than anything else. I remembered what it felt like to eat real, nourishing food for every meal. Somehow I felt healthier and more energized eating French pastries, coffee, and cheese than I did eating American chicken and vegetables.

When I returned to the States, I entered a different kind of hiatus: an intentional break from dating. And from social media. And drinking. And binge-watching the same old TV shows. And RSVP-ing “yes” to every random event when I didn’t really want to go. And filling all the quiet with podcasts and music. And “revenge bedtime procrastination,” which might’ve been the hardest vice to quit. Basically, I stepped away from anything that pulled me away from myself, or drained me without giving something meaningful in return. For anyone else who’s dated in Tulsa, you can probably understand saying “screw this!” and deleting Bumble for the seventh time.

And it paid off. I had energy again. And time. I used both to write a lot. I journaled each morning. I wrote poems, essays, and stand-up sets (which I still need to try out at an open-mic). I even wrote and anonymously posted a novella just for fun. I read my work aloud at the VERSES creative writing festival, was a featured reader at OSU’s Live Lit Night in December, and enrolled in a few writing classes: surrealist poetry with Claire Campo, a well-known local poet, and a fiction workshop called Writing the New Weird where I wrote my first short story since college. Which, sadly, is now a long time ago.

And the dating hiatus? It transformed into something much bigger. By not chasing a relationship, or filling the space in my life with the usual distractions, I re-centered myself in my own life, where for a time I found boundless energy and passion for writing, exercising, dancing, connecting more with people who mean the world to me, and meeting new people. I followed the “Sacred Pause” method from the book Liberated Love and gave myself time to not look for love outside of myself.

And, of course, a couple weeks after I decided to end the dating hiatus, I met my current wonderful partner Stewart.

Thankfully he showed up when he did, because I was probably months away from packing up the life I’ve built here for some place more promising. Dating in Tulsa as a progressive-leaning, largely agnostic Black woman has been… a journey. I was flirting with the idea of moving to Chicago. I considered applying for MFA programs and following that trail wherever it might lead. I even thought about moving to Paris for six months, though the time zone difference would've made managing my remote job a bit painful.

All that to say, I’m excited to be writing here again and hope to share more pieces that reflect what I really care about (and what I’d love to see grow) in Tulsa.

No promises about how long I keep posting or that it stays religiously biweekly. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place. But as long as it allows me to share knowledge and feels fun, I’ll keep showing up. Thank you to those who are still reading. I don’t take your time or presence lightly.

ps: there’s a good chance I’ll move all of this to a Wordpress-hosted website this summer, since I think it will be easier to navigate the resources I plan to share.